It started when I was a kid. Doing it all by myself. I didn’t have the parent that was there and making sure I did my homework, brushed my teeth, did my laundry, etc. I didn’t have someone that was there nagging me to get good grades and making sure that I didn’t do drugs or get in trouble. I took care of myself. I made sure that I did my homework, did my laundry, made good grades, made good decisions,etc. I did it all by myself.
I was raped when I was 13 and I handled it all by myself. I never told a soul. Never told anyone what happened to me. I took it and hid it away and handled it all by myself. I was alone and I was by myself.
As I got older I made bad decisions and questionable decisions all by myself too. I made the decision to drink and do drugs and have a good time. That decision was all on me. I did it all by myself. There was no one to blame no one to say it’s your fault. Those were my bad decisions.
I got good grades, graduated early and with honors. All by myself. With no help from anyone. I did it. I made the decision to do it and I did. Just me.
I was raped when I was 17. I was somewhere I thought I was safe. I was drugged and raped at a party of people that claimed they cared about me. I handled that all on my own. I had the tests, I had the waiting and the stress to make sure I wasn’t going to have a gift that was going to keep on giving. I did it all by myself.
I started college. I didn’t finish when I should have but I went to college. I did that. I payed for it all by myself with no help from anyone. I worked hard and went to college. It was all me.
I went through many friends; some were good and some were not. I made the decision in most cases to walk away to make sure that I was okay, to preserve myself. I chose to walk away.
I witnessed an abortion shortly after I had my hysterectomy, I made the choice to be there for a friend, it ultimately ended our friendship. But I made that decision. I couldn’t look her in the eye anymore. It ended what we had. But I did it all by myself. I handled it. I grieved for that child all alone and by myself.
I was in an abusive relationship for almost 6 years. I was beaten and abused for a long time. I lived with that all by myself. There was no one there. No one knew. I handled it and dealt with it all by myself. I walked away and survived all by myself.
I had a hysterectomy and lost any and all chances of having a biological child all by myself. I did it. I struggled and almost killed myself a couple of times but in the end I made it out okay, all by myself. I got really bad on drugs at that time and I almost lost myself. But I didn’t. I came out on the other side alive and stronger for it. There was no one there for me. No one I could turn to. But I did it. Just me, all by myself.
I found the love of my life. All by myself. I found her. I came out as a lesbian and found the love of my life. She gave me hope. I don’t have to do it all by myself anymore. She is there. We are now doing it all by ourselves.
I went back to college. I did it. I graduated with a 3.8 and I have a bachelor’s degree. I did that. I worked hard and I did it. The love of my life supported me through that, so I should say we did it! We did it all by ourselves.
I got married. I did that alone. I did it with my wife. We were alone (except our friend went with us as a witness). We did it. We got married all alone with no one. There was no one there for us. No help picking out dresses, no one was there to say have a big wedding, we all want to be there. It was just us. We did it all by ourselves.
We have three gorgeous children that I couldn’t imagine not having. They are our hope, our faith, our love, and our commitment all wrapped up in these gorgeous little humans. We did that all by ourselves. (with a little help from some sperm we knew)
We have been through our struggles. We have fought, we have argued, we have debated, we don’t have the perfect relationship. We are stubborn, we are opinionated, we are non-trusting, we are scared of abandonment. But we made it through. We made it through all by ourselves. We continue to make it through, all by ourselves.
We don’t have any family. We have a few but not many. Not the kind of family that you have over for dinner, celebrate birthdays and have parties. We don’t have family we can really ask for help or lean on. We can’t ask anyone for money, help to buy a house, etc. It just isn’t there. We love the family that we do have and we are thankful for them; near and far. We just wish we had the family that is in the movies. The family that we want our children to be for each other. We want to be the grandparents that beg for the kids all year long. We want our kids to call each other and text each other daily no matter where they are. We want them to do it together. Live life together and know at the end of the day they are all each other has.
But we have done it…all by ourselves we have made it this far. We are going to make it. All by ourselves we are going to make it. We will make it because we have done it all by ourselves for so long. We will take care of everything and stand strong. We will show our children to be strong and take care of everything on their own too. They can do it all by themselves. They can do it because we did it.
I did it by myself so that one day we could do it ourselves and they could do it themselves.