Today started out like all the other days in my world. I CAN’T FIND MY SHOES, WHERE IS MY UNDERWEAR, I DON’T HAVE MY BACKPACK….your shoes are right there, your underwear is on your tushy and your backpack is on the couch where you threw it last night.

Then I realized that I had to go to the bank….lord have mercy I hate taking the baby to run errands because I have to take him in every single place I go and it can be cumbersome. Usually I try and wait to run errands when The Wife is off work but today couldn’t be helped. So I go to the bank. First of all I had one hand to do anything because if not then the baby would fall off the counter, which we did not want to happen of course, then he starts standing up and slamming his hands on their glass….at this point I am trying to withdraw and deposit and exchange….still one handed mind you. Then he sees the suckers…all hell breaks loose. He wants a sucker and he wants it NOW!!! He is sticking his hands under the little thing and gets his arms stuck….SERIOUSLY DUDE WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!!! I just keep apologizing to the lady behind the bullet proof glass and saying I am sorry. She looks at me like I am nuts….and a horrible parent all in the same look. She is all put together; make up, nice clothes, no boogers, and breakfast is not in hand prints on her shoulder or her chest where the baby has wiped it…I am so jealous! I just want to be like it must be so nice to be behind that glass, all clean and quiet! I finally am able to get what I need to done and ask her for a sucker for the baby…mainly because I know I will not be able to leave without one and sometimes it just isn’t worth the battle. She is like isn’t it a little early for a sucker….I was like yes ma’am probably but if you don’t mind I would appreciate it. When in my head I was like listen here lady….this day already sucks and I have like 10 more places I have to go, I will give him anything he freaking wants right now if he will just calm down a little!! I know, great parenting Mama! She shakes her head and hands me the sucker. He is eating the plastic trying to get to it, I open it, he smiles and says Da (that is how he says Thank You, also another thing we don’t understand as to where it came from!). Peace for just a few minutes! Whoo Hoo!

We get back in the car and head to our next stop. I had to go to the other bank and deposit, thankfully I just had to deposit in the ATM there! However, the sucker is gone…God help me….why can’t they last forever….he starts in…so I go to what I believe to be the greatest thing to calm him down…The Willis Clan! Strange but it has calmed him down since he was a baby! Any time he is super fussy, The Willis Clan! I am hoping that he will take his morning nap and I can get to where I need to go next with some peace and quiet. I sing along with the music, I ignore his whimpering, and I pray that he will just fall asleep! Nope not at all…but he does become quiet. Success!!!

I had to go to the VA today to deal with some stuff for the FIL and I really didn’t want to take the baby but I did….here is where the chase started! He didn’t want to be in the stroller, he didn’t want to be held, he didn’t want a snack, he didn’t want a drink, he didn’t want to be quiet, he didn’t want to do anything but run around and get in to stuff! The older people thought he was the greatest thing ever, I on the other hand felt as though I was chasing the weasel around the mulberry bush all day long!!!! I just kept juggling, Listen to the lady, switch arms, try and form a coherent thought and reply to the lady, bounce him in the air, listen to the man, tickle the baby, go to another place, do it all over again. These people are no help…they just keep giving me the look, the look of terrible parenting….so I gave him a drink of my mountain dew because he was pinching and biting my fingers trying to get me to give it to him, who cares that he has chocolate running down his face from the cookies and candy that I have been begging him to eat, who cares that he has thrown his passy about 5000 times and I keep putting it back in his mouth…. if any of you old people have an idea as to how I can do all this, I am all ears…yep didn’t think so, you got nothing…nothing but judgement!!! So leave me and mine alone so that I can get this done as quickly as possible….this continues on for about four hours….yes, that is right guys, four freaking hours of this!!! By this time I have a little information and I whole lot of headache. I am done. I  don’t care anymore. I am done. So finally I just quit. I  don’t even go to the Pharmacy to get the meds that I need to, hell, they can send em to me! I rush back to the car which is parked about 500 miles away from where I am, I load the baby up, and I shut the door……and stand there…..I can see him, he is fine…crying but fine….he has air, he is not alone, the car is not locked….but I stand there. Breathing. Deeply. Finally I get in the car, roll the windows down, turn on The Willis Clan, and I start driving….

I get him home, he is asleep…I try to get him in and keep him asleep…not gonna happen but I swear I prayed it would! The minute we walk in, wide awake! Here we go again! Brogey get off the kitchen table. Brogey get in here. Brogey get out of the garbage, where did you get that drink…omg you got it out of the trash….so gross….Brogey leave the FIL alone he is grumpy and you are messing with his stuff. Brogey get off the stairs please. Brogey come here so that I can fold these clothes, Brogey please get off the luggage in your sisters room, Brogey please stop trying to stick your finger in the light socket….round and round the mulberry bush the monkey chases the weasel….

The wife won’t be home for a while but thank goodness the kids came home to help me. Maybe they will play with him….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….nope no such thing. Monkey heads to his room, the tablet lives there, hidden so I can’t take it while he is at school, Bug comes home and shows me her progress report….oh my….we need to make some progress there….and Brogey….Brogey is on the kitchen table shaking his butt to music only he can hear….while he is doing this, this is what I hear….

All around the mulberry bush,The monkey chased the weasel.The monkey stopped to scratch his nose….Pop! goes the weasel

Maybe tomorrow I won’t feel so much like a Monkey chasing a Weasel….